Awesome: The Alphabet of Manliness, Maddox
I got a lot of excellent gifts for my birthday this year. Really excellent.But nothing could come close to being as manly and full of total ass-kickery than Maddox's The Alphabet of Manliness.
That I received this gift from my girlfriend, Casey, is a testament to just how righteous she is.
By its own account, the book is so manly it needs to be shaved. It is, also by its own admission, the only book that guarantees your balls will be stomped. With a preface like that, how can you not immediately go buy yourself a copy.
If you didn't click the link and go buy a copy, then you clearly don't appreciate "good."
Alright. So the picture of a man punching a gorilla and my personal recommendation aren't enough to sell you on the book just yet. So read this and be sold:
The first chapter is titled, expectedly, "A is for...Ass-Kicking."
Immediately under the title is a picture of a lumberjack punching Santa Claus in the face. Enough said!
"B," naturally enough, "is for Boners."
I think the book speaks for itself.
But there is so much more information in the book. Seriously, seriously.
From "P is for...Pirate":
For those deficient in piratical knowledge, that is, you, here are some facts about pirates:Yes. There is a Figure 1.
- The only thing that can kill a pirate is another pirate.
- Pirates drink rum almost exclusively. The only exception is for an occasional iced mocha or chai tea with 2 percent milk.
- Pirates prefer BBQ- or Cajun-flavored potato chips.
- A pirate's sweat tastes like whiskey.
- Sometimes pirates kick cats just because.
- Pirates think college is a waste of time.
- Eye patches make chicks horny.
- Pirates possess parrots with eye patches and pirated prosthetic peg legs.
- A pirate's semen is indestructible.
- Pirates hate all forms of dancing, except for breakdancing, which lumberjacks would agree is awesome.
- All pirates have hair on their backs and knuckles. Women find this intriguing.
- A pirate ejaculates fully-grown leprechauns (see Figure 1)
Still not sold? Then don't buy the book.
posted by cechols @ 6:17 PM
3 comments
3 Comments:
This sounds a lot like the awesome ninja book you bought me, only expanded.
I'll tell ya what someone needs to do: someone needs to put out a book with all of the best Chuck Norris facts.
--DW
P.S. That said, I think I still like Jack Bauer facts better.
Although it isn't a rip-off of the Chuck Norris facts site, in The Alphabet of Manliness, "N is for...Chuck Norris."
No joke.
It's another awesome entry.
Make sure you click on the Maddox link. His original, classic home page is one of my favorite things on the internet.
I was telling Jordan about it at lunch yesterday and the guy at the table next to us told us it was the best book he ever read and that he based his life on it. He also talked about kicking pigeons in Germany and how the U.S. kicked their asses (WWII pride is still alive and well). Yeah, he seemed like an annoying jerk but the book is really funny anyway.
Post a Comment
<< Home