Throwback: Dinosaurs Attack!
Even if you're old enough to remember the eighties, you're probably not emotionally mature enough for Dinosaurs Attack!When Topps released this series of collectible trading cards in 1988, no one was emotionally mature enough - especially not the 10-year olds buying them.
Even today, in our world of wanton television violence and Magic the Gathering satanism...these cards are horrifyingly inappropriate.
Eschewing popular standards of "decency" and "taste," Dinosaurs Attack! depicted classrooms full of dinosaur-mangled children, kids being lunched on by herbivores (?) directly from their school bus, and my personal favorite: dinosaurs squashing a puppy right in front of a little girl.
Now that's how you do insensitive.
Sure, sure. We all remember the Garbage Pail Kids, and they were kind of gross. But gross in a cute way. Gross like fake puke and plastic dog poop.
Dinosaurs Attack! is infinitely beyond the pale of those other collectible cards. They are so ultra-violent and rife with scientific and religious heracy that no responsible parent could ever - ever - in good conscience buy them for their kids.
And that's why they're awesome.
Incredibly awesome to be exact.
Bob Heffner has put together the entire set for you to marvel at. You can find it here. And I-Mockery has a pretty hilarious retrospective on the series. Check out both of these links and delight in the sheer audacity of Dinosaurs Attack!
Here are some of my favorites. Please notice what the Parasaurolophus is eating.
posted by cechols @ 9:22 AM
8 comments
8 Comments:
That you posted this link makes me tear up a bit with joy.
This was one of absolute favorite things as a kid, and I thought it was forever gone.
More later,
DW
These are freaking hilarious! If those were around now, parents would be pitching fits.
Did you have these, DW??
I would have given an arm to own a set of Dinosaurs Attack! cards. How in the world did Patsy let those in the house??
Dude.
My brother still has one of the stickers on his closet door, I think. After twenty-four hours, it occurs to me that while I collected them as a seven-, eight-, or nine-year old*, Joel must have been between five and seven. And he loved them. Chew on that.
The one that I remember most vividly was the school bus, of course. Although most of the cards were familiar. Combined, Joel and I had most of the cards, but God knows where they are now. If we had anything to say about it--and I know we did--they're somewhere that might require a day's worth of hard labor to find.
I don't think my parents had any idea of how gross they were, and considering that I was banned from watching Scooby-Doo around the same age, one wonders to what lengths I went to hide these (especially with a kindergartener as my collecting partner). Tell ya what--next time I speak with my mom, I'll ask her if she had any knowledge of the cards.
*The reason I'm unsure about the age--even with the specific 1988 date--is that I remember the card where the dinos are sucked back in the past. Now you probably know I'm a very visual person, and so when I saw that card, it unleashed a memory. There was something about that 1988 date that I recall marvelling over. I think it might have been that when I was looking at the card, it was 1987, and so the future date might have thrown my little brain off. (You know how dates of publication are sometimes put a year ahead of the release date.) Of course, it could have been the opposite--that I got the cards a year late. Who knows.
More later. I have so much to say about these cards and their appeal for me, which I find curious now. This is the best thread ever.
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In 5th garde I did a report in science on sharks. As a cover illustration I drew a shark with bloody teeth and a severed arm nearby. Disturbed my teacher a bit. I would have loved these cards.
Thought you guys might be interested in this.
I eagerly await your next post, DW. Seriously, I am amazed that you might still have some of them.
What I would give to have owned these as a kid.
Sorry for these quick-hit posts. Time is really limited for me now. Maybe I'll make a longer, reflective post tomorrow.
I talked with Joel earlier this evening and he said he remembered them and remembered being about six or so when we collected them. I'm definitely asking my mom about them tomorrow.
Echols, I think you'll like the following tidbit most of all. These cards were available in Greeneville, Tennessee. Moreover, they were available at the Snapps Ferry Food City in Greeneville, Tennessee. That's where we bought most of our cards. And let's make no bones about this--they were proudly marketed for kids. This isn't just some "adult" thing that kids could get their hands on. I remember buying a set or two each time I went to Food City and walking through the store looking at the new cards. We got so many that I know I eventually stopped buying them because it'd get to a point where I'd have most (if not all) of the cards in the packets.
My dad was there most of the time, and he encouraged our card collecting...mainly baseball cards, though. If he did see these, he probably anticipated that they'd be collector's items one day. I doubt that he really looked at 'em, though. Although if he saw every one, I wouldn't be shocked.
My thinking is that these cards are in my old card album, which I know I still have. It may be in our storage building; it may be buried in a vault not unlike the one at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark.
--DW
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