Salvage: Vol. I

My failure to post lately is due in total to the fact that we've been transplanting our office from Louisville to West Knoxville for the last week. It has been one hell of a move, but definitely for the better.

Anyhow, that's why I've been remiss. I know you feel neglected, so let me salvage the week with a lovely collection of links for you.

Get down with these jonx (as Mr. Smith says):

I) Install Vista, Buy Graphics Card (Wired)

A PC needs an 800-MHz CPU, 512 MB of RAM and an integrated graphics processor that can handle Microsoft's DirectX 9 graphical interface just to run Vista, according to Microsoft. For a PC that is Windows Aero ready, the requirements are more stringent. A Windows Vista Premium Ready PC for Windows Aero needs at least a 1-GHz CPU, 1 GB of RAM, DirectX 9 graphics, 128 MB of graphics memory and pixel shader 2.0, which means an external graphics card or processor is almost invariably required.

During a Wired News test, an HP Compaq 8430 laptop with a 2-GHz Intel T2500 CPU, 1 GB of RAM and a stand-alone ATI Mobility Radeon X1600 graphics processor with 256 MB of video memory could handle the RC2 version of Aero. Vista's graphically intensive features worked well and the operating system's glasslike windows and icons were nice to look at, but in this writer's opinion, a 3-year-old version of SuSE Linux's operating system is just as beautiful.

With the stand-alone ATI graphics processor disabled during the test, the images became glitchy and the resolution poor. Attempts to play a video file with Windows Media Center did not work. The laptop's integrated graphics processor was just not good enough to handle the load by itself.

II) Billionaire Steve Wynn Ruins $139 Million Picasso (ReviewJournal)

The accident occurred as a gesturing Wynn, who suffers from retinitis pigmentosa, an eye disease that affects peripheral vision, struck the painting with his right elbow, leaving a hole the size of a silver dollar in the left forearm of Marie-Theresa Walter, Picasso's 21-year-old mistress.

"Oh shit, look what I've done," Wynn said, according to Ephron, who gave her account in a blog published on Monday.

III) Download Every Episode of The Simpsons

IV) Great Googaly! Sam & Max is Almost Ready (Telltale Games)

V) Can't Figure Out What That Font is? Use Identifont

VI) Ikea Lamp Commercial:

VII) Wendy's Training Video. Get Some Grill Skillz!

VIII) Nintendo Wii: Wins and Losses (IGN)

Every time a 50-plus-year-old stands in line to preorder a new Wii console, a Nintendo executive gets his wings. Look up in the sky now and you might see a few of them soaring around, giggling. Don't try to feed them, by the way - it's dangerous.

Clearly, the company that Mario built has with its looming videogame platform tried something completely original and both gamers and non-gamers alike are taking notice. Three years ago, the mere concept of a new game machine that didn't speed down the bigger-and-badder horsepower avenue might have seemed unlikely at the very least and financially irresponsible at the very most, but the Big N has done it, and we're all excited anyway. Not because Wii delivers a quantum leap in graphics, because so far that hasn't been proven true. No, you're lining up and in some cases your dad is lining up because the system presents a completely fresh way to play.

Wii has a lot going for it, including the fact that - unlike GameCube, which was very similar to competing systems - it's totally unique. People will not confuse its strengths or weaknesses. But has Nintendo executed on every move correctly with its new platform or has it missed some opportunities, too?

XI) Letter to Senator: Constituent Wants to Become Illegal Immigrant, Benefit

The Honorable Paul S. Sarbanes
309 Hart Senate Office Building
Washington DC, 20510

Dear Senator Sarbanes:
As a native Marylander and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the Immigration and Naturalization Service in an effort to determine the process for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you.

My reasons for wishing to change my status from U.S. citizen to illegal alien stem from the bill which was recently passed by the Senate and for which you voted. If my understanding of this bill's provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United States for five years, what I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the last five years.

I know a good deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the process started before everyone figures it out.
Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes every year, so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of the last five years taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way that I can apply to be illegal retroactively?
This would yield an excellent return for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005 and I estimated a gross savings approximating $72,000. After the fine this would yield me a net savings of $70,000.

In addition, I would reap the other benefits of being an illegal alien such as free health care, avoidance of paying Social Security taxes, buying automobile insurance, serving on jury panels, etc. If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms, I would be most appreciative.

Thank you for your assistance.
Your Loyal Constituent

X) Virtual NES Emulator. Absolutely. Awesome.

Fin.